People for the Ethical Treatment of Stuffed Animals (PETSA), with around seven members, is the largest stuffed animal rights organization in the world. Founded in 19 minutes, PETSA is dedicated to protecting the rights of stuffed animals and other toys of animal likeness including, but not limited to, tin wind-up parrots. PETSA operates under the simple premise that stuffed animals and other animal toys deserve respect and honor in a world that too often trades in the cuddly nature of teddy bears for cold and spiritually unfulfilling technological whiz-bang gadgets.

PETSA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of stuffed animals suffer more: in damp and/or moldy closets and attics, in over-lighted collectors' cases, in the hands of sadistic stuffed-toy bullies, and as dress-up guests at little girls' tea parties. In addition, we work on various other issues, including the cruel use of washing machines not set on gentle cycle and the abuse inflicted on stuffed animals by backyard dogs.

PETSA works through public intimidation, lots of yelling, paint throwing, stuffed animal rescue, car-bombing, minor celebrity involvement and button sales.

c. 2001 The Cool Cricket Company (R)